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It is often said that the most important sex organ is the mind. This is easily demonstrated in either gender; we find it difficult to focus on being intimate when we're distracted, bored, angry, tired, and so on. But when our mind is engaged, we're into the moment and our whole erotic switchboard is showing green lights. Quite a bit of what goes on mentally takes the form of fantasies - that internal movie we have playing mentally while we're semi-detached from what's going on right in front of us.
And that's what phone sex does, is provide us with a fantasy. Similar to other erotic industry workers, from pornographers to erotic dancers to escorts, their jobs are to create erotic fantasies for their customers to live in.
What Is Phone Sex?
Phone sex is frequently just interaction by voice, ranging from people "talking dirty", to one person narrating a sexual scenario as if they were telling a story live, pretending to be there in person with each other while mutually stimulating themselves, or following a "script" that sort of works out like "choose your own erotic adventure". Truly, some phone sex workers actually report that not all of their customers want erotic play at all - they just want some companionship and friendly conversation.
However, new technology has added a supplemental aspect to straight voice communication. Text messaging has given us "sexting", and Internet-capable devices have allowed us to exchange images and videos online. In addition, technologies like Skype give us video conferencing (video calling), so that now phone sex can have whole new dimensions to it. People can now plug in and have a full-on erotic experience together, with sight, sound, and text, from any two points in the world.
Frequently, this is accompanied by one or both parties stimulating themselves while they engage. The use of "toys" are optional, but certainly preferred. New developments in adult erotic aids are coming along, such that said toys can be plugged into an iPhone and manipulated by long-distance, turning into yet another dimension to the phone sex kick.
Why Would People Use Phone Sex?
Like many forms of recreation, the reasons are as varied as the participants. A very big draw is the desire for a safe, protected form of intimacy - after all, no one has ever gotten an STD or pregnant from phone sex. The second-biggest attraction is the growing need for convenient intimacy in our wide-traveling, busy lives. For soldiers on deployment, business persons traveling, and students who have to spend years away at college, our lives are steadily stretched over longer and longer distances, and our partners can't always be with us.
For that matter, even single people can't always find the time to invest in the dating scene. For somebody working their way through college pulling sixteen-hour days, the hectic schedule can be so constraining that a ten-minute "quickie" over the phone might be the only chance they get to blow off steam all week.
There's also that small, marginal set of people who have no other alternative due to real-life issues. This includes those who are handicapped, terminally ill, suffering some form of disability, or just don't get out much at all. To them, phone sex is the closest thing they can get to intimacy, period.
It is also highly discrete. No need to be caught sneaking in and out of apartments or having the neighbors jam their nose into your business and who you have over. No need to disturb your roommates by having a stranger intrude, or have to deal with someone spending the night. With phone sex, you can just dial up anywhere and have your time for yourself. As far as the outside world is concerned, you're Mother Teresa living the chaste life.
What If You Have A Partner - Isn't That Cheating?
The thing that counts the most in this question is what kind of arrangement or agreement you have with your partner. At the most, phone sex is similar in the involvement level from watching an adult movie or reading an erotic blog online. It's just that the performances are "live" and one-on-one. So there is some level of specific involvement, but not nearly as much as getting lap dances or cavorting with escorts.
Now, some couples out there are refreshingly open. They watch porn together, they visit local adult bookstores together, or they happily snap nude photos of themselves and post them online to forums for evaluation. Some people just get a bang out of it - and if you don't know why, consider that decades of monogamous marriage can require some bit of adventurous play just to keep things interesting.
There's also the category of people who are happily committed in long-term relationships... but... they do have this one yearning desire. Maybe it's a fantasy they've always wanted to try, maybe it's a fetish they want to explore, or maybe even some bisexual tendencies. And where the other partner might not agree to trying this with them, because they simply have no interest, they might grant them the privilege of fulfilling this desire via phone sex.
Just remember, if you find the need to hide something - anything - from your partner, then that is a betrayal of trust and could be construed as cheating. But if a partner knows and doesn't mind, then it's not cheating.
In today's society, with the crop of digital natives who have never known a world without mobile phones and computers, there is far greater tolerance towards media-based fantasy fulfillment. In fact, a stable relationship may emerge and thrive in which both parties occasionally partake of phone sex, browsing erotic content, or sexting - it's more likely than you think! The "poly" movement is playing a role, throwing out hte idea that we need to be necessarily monogamous.
What Kinds Of Fantasies Are Common In Phone Sex?
One common type of fantasy is age difference. Both males and females sometimes have a fantasy for a great age difference between themselves and a play partner. We should caution to add that the youngest you'd go for this is 18+, as phone sex, like any other erotic service, operates within the domain of the law.
For people who yen for an older partner, the attraction is sometimes either a desire to have someone more experienced with that "been around the block" attitude, or to be made to feel younger and more childish in the presence of an older, authoritative partner. The attraction to younger partners, of course, is for someone more "innocent".
Ethnic preferences are another sort of common fantasy. People rarely have a "fetish" for their own race; that's just plain vanilla attraction. But along with preferring to date and marry their own race or close to it, some people have a small desire for a particular ethnicity on the side. The reasons for this vary. For instance, a Caucasian male attracted to young Asian / Pacific rim females is almost always reliving fond memories of being a serviceman deployed over there where Asian women were all around them. Some women express a desire for African American men, being attracted to the exotic factor and because they're seen as being more dominant and confident than their mates. Or there's people attracted to European natives, particularly if they have a strong accent, because the romance languages sound so sexy to them.
You really can't define the reasons for a fetishistic attraction - even psychologists still can't explain why certain things "push our buttons".
Which brings us to our final, but most complex, kind of fantasy category: BDSM roleplay. This might be anything in a broad spectrum of activities from Master and slave, through simple playful "dares" play, or involved fetishes involving discipline and roleplay. Often phone sex is a good medium for any kind of power exchange play ("power exchange" means that the submissive gives the Dominant power over them), since one can simply speak orders over the phone and the other reports after following them.
Phone sex BDSM can take the form of roleplays, such as secretary and boss (anybody who's seen the 2002 movie "Secretary" will know where this goes). Another common roleplay is Daddy/girl or Mommy/little-boy.
But frequently, the play might be more straightforward. The Dominant gives orders and the submissive follows them. Surprisingly, there is higher demand for Dominants that submissives. People who want to submit feel motivated by a desire for order in their lives, to live out fantasies of being controlled, to experience the endorphin rush that accompanies pain, humiliation, and shaming, or other motives that are harder to define.
The submissive might have to call the Dominant for permission for such things as what to wear or when to go to the bathroom. The Dominant may assign punishments to the submissive such as administering a self-spanking (silly, yes, but that's part of the fun), or forego some privilege. They might have schedules for when to check in. And of course, the submissive would be ordered to pleasure themselves as well at the Dominant's command.
And punishments for disobeying (or training to take a punishment) can be administered over the phone as well, such as ordering the submissive to perform some painful or degrading act and film it on video, then sending the video to the Dominant as proof that the act was completed. Some people, after all, are merely Sadistic and masochistic, so both parties can get their thrill this way.
Sometimes the BDSM play comes directly through the act of the phone call itself, for those whose kink is "emotional masochism". This takes place by the Dominant browbeating the submissive with a verbal assault of insults, taunts, or teasing.
And one more category which is very common is the "sissy" sub-genre of BDSM roleplay. This is where a man enjoys being humiliated by being forced to wear women's clothes and make-up, and generally act feminine. Really, it's the combination of transvestism and domination.
More likely than not, the professional phone sex worker is likely to be a Dominant female and the customer is likely to be a submissive male. As stated before, there's a far higher demand for dominants. The motivation is that the Dominant takes a more active role in creating the fantasy, putting imagination into their scenes and scenario. The submissive, meanwhile, gets subjected to a psychological roller-coaster ride, filled with emotion and suspense. Is it any wonder that more people want to be submissives?
Remember, even if it doesn't make sense to you, it makes sense to somebody!
Is Adult 'Sexting' The New Phone Sex?
It is certainly looking that way. As mentioned before, technology has come forward so that we no longer have to rely entirely on voice communication only. Why not have the visual channel as well?
Sexting via text messaging medium, especially on the mobile phone platform with a good camera for still and video images, has taken on a lot of the phone sex market and all but replaced plain old in-person sex, for that matter. With the way the modern young generation is taking to sexting, one wonders if in twenty years they won't be having children by mailing each other samples for artificial insemination.
The younger generation are "digital natives", whom were born and raised in a world where mobile phones are common place. Furthermore, a mobile society ensures that people hesitate even less about starting long-distance relationships. Between a modern global economy and the necessity of having a college degree for both genders to enter the marketplace, along with increased military involvement among the young, long-distance relationships carried out over digital media are becoming the rule, not the exception.
Whatever the form your fantasy takes, we hope that this has answered some questions about phone sex. Some people might be shocked at some of the ground we've covered here, while to others, this is all old hat.
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